The Battle Within
by oaklynndstar
Summary: I left him after feeling nothing but suffication, after seven years a job and a chance encounter bring us back together, problem is, I have a secret I cant tell. It hurts not to share my life with them, and they know I'm keeping something. AH, OCC
1. Chapter 1

I sat at the desk in the front of one of the most prestige hospitals in the country, I was not the secretary, I was only filling in until she showed up. My rounds were already behind and since this newbie had yet to show up we were picking up the slack.

"Hi," a girl said.

"Please tell me you are Andrea." I said.

"I am, I got stuck behind an accident on the freeway," she said.

"And I'm the doctor stuck at your post while I neglect my patients," I said irritated.

I stood up clad in my designer clothing and walked around the desk, "we have a new doctor starting the information is in the computer, I suggest you take a few minutes to learn how to use it."

I grabbed my charts and walked off.

"Doctor Swan, Code blue. Doctor Swan room six, code blue."

I groaned and pulled my lab coat on and raced down the hall.

Tossing my charts I worked on my patient, I went over the patients chart in my head.

Male, age 57, weight 258, hospitalized for breathing issues and cardiac issues.

He coded, I called it.

"Time of death, 8:17 A.M December 4th."

A coworker told me she would take my rounds. I walked outside, I hated this part. It made me wonder why people did this.

"Bella?" A sing-songy voice called my name. I had shed the doctor's coat and stood outside in a tank and heels.

"Esme," I said whipping my face as she hugged me.

"Oh, sweetheart."

I was confused.

"Doctor Cullen, it's nice to have you join our staff. Doctor Swan, Maria has taken your rounds," he said.

"Thank, Chief. Something I'm still not used to doing is calling it."

They looked a little stunned. I walked back into the hospital and went to change into scrubs. When I came back out Esme was waiting.

"I'm proud you did something amazing with your life," she told me.

"Thank you," I said as calmly as I could.

I was paged and before I could leave she made me promise to come to their home that night. As much as I didn't want to I did.

I walked out of the office that night into the cold air and hurried to my car.

Zipping up my jacket I pulled out of the lot and headed to the Cullen home. I hadn't seen them since I left for college. The fight I had the night before with Edward ended our relationship, I was never the same.

"_I am not some child that you have to protect from the world!" I screamed at him._

"_I never said that!"_

"_You don't have to, Edward. You keep thing from me like I am not old enough to understand, you are pulling us from your brothers and my best friends! What are you going to do when I'm in school in another state? Lock me up?"_

"_No, I'm coming with you."_

_He stated the information like it was silly of me to think I was going alone._

"_Are you kidding? You're going to Harvard!" I grabbed my purse and shoes, thankful for the summer air._

"_Where are you going?" he asked. He was pinching the bridge of his nose again with his eyes closed, I hated that._

"_Home, Edward. Would you like to know how many steps it will take to get there or how many cars pass?"_

"_Let me drive you," he said grabbing his keys._

"_No, I can't do this anymore. You're suffocating me!"_

_I ran from the house and didn't look back. I drove out of state the next morning, and changed my cell phone number and dorm room._

I walked up the walkway that was eliminated by low lights along the path. The house hadn't changed; it didn't seem as huge now though. I knocked on the door and it song open. I was met by a very rounded, pregnant Rose.

"Bella!" she screamed and pulled me as close as she could get me.

I realized then on how much I missed in the seven years I was gone.

"I missed your wedding," I said as I started to cry.

"I tried to find you," she told me.

"Oh, Rose!"

"Come in, it's cold. You have to meet Alice and Jasper's baby. She had him last month."

They were all there, with the exception of Edward, in the living room. Emmett was cooing over the tiny bundle in his arms, he looked as big as ever, the man was built. Alice sat there watching him in awe, she had grown out her short pixy hair, it was longer than mine now. Jasper wore his hair longer too, pulled back.

They all looked like the family I left behind.

"Ali," Rose said softly.

"Yeah?" she said turning to us. Her eyes pooled over and she rushed from the couch to pull me into her arms. She was still strong for how short she was.

"Bella!" she said as she cried.

"Hey, pixi."

I knew I looked worn out, my day was crazy like always.

"Where have you been?"

"All over, I finished my residency last year and was offer a position fulltime at Seattle Grays."

"So your home?" she asked.

"Sure, pixi. I'm as close as I can get."

"B is a fucking doctor!" Emmett said.

"Yes, bear. I am a doctor, watch your tong," I said with a smile.

"It hasn't been the same since you left," Jasper said as I heard the front door open and close.

"Bella?"

Oh god, that voice sounded the same. It was re-breaking my heart.

"Edward," I said turning.

He looked broken; I could tell I did that. He grabbed my wrist and pulled me close to him.

"I'm sorry," he told me.

I could only nod as I sobbed into his shirt. I was a mess still, and the only person I had trusted over the last seven years was sitting alone in my house, waiting for me.

"I can't stay long, I have an early shift at the hospital," I said.

I held Jasper and Alice's little boy; I talked to Esme assuring her that I was alright despite my breakdown. I made a promise to Rose to keep in contact and gave her my cell, pager and home phone numbers. They asked me where I lived, but that much I said I wasn't all that comfortable sharing yet.

When I walked into the house I was found in strong arms that felt so right and so wrong at the same time.


	2. Chapter 2

When he left for work that morning at five, I called into the hospital faking sick. I couldn't handle being thrown back into a life that wasn't really mine anymore. I was shocked and saddened that Charlie didn't at least acknowledge his grandkids. We had two, Jayson who is six and in first grade and Kyaha, who just turned five months. I rolled over in the bed just in time to hear the low beep on the monitor.

My blessed hubby of a little over six years had invested in a personalized baby monitor. The thing beeped so that we knoew if it was a roll over, toss or turn, the beep was a low frequency. If it was a fuss, it was a medium, but a full on cry was frantic beeps.

I felt the bed dip a little and Jayson snuggled up next to me. I pulled him close into my arms, he looked like Jake.

Jacob Black was one of L.A's most eligible batchlors, from the time he was fifteen. I ran into him on a mini stop on my way to the college and we hit it off. He surprised me on how down to earth he was, but on how romanticly in tune he was as well. He sent me flowers for a month before I called him.

Like most say the rest is history, mine is a little more so than that.

Jake was and still is my night in shining armor. He held me while I cried last night and didn't ask what it was that made me cry. He told me he loved me when he left this morning. He had done it a few times when my mind drudged up a memory of him. There was no way to explain it, I played it off a few times the worst of them being when I found out I was pregnant with Jayson and again when I found out it was a boy. Then the next was when I learned I was pregnant with Kyaha. I found it easy to blame it on the hormones.

I was almost asleep again when the monitor went off alerting me that Kyaha was crying. Getting up I realized Jayson was supposed to be at school an hour ago, groaning I gave into defeat and took on the fact that he was just not going to go.

He walked with me down the hall and I walked into the nursery. I lifted Kyaha up and cradled her as Jayson started to play with toys. Feeding her I watched as he looked around, it was going to be a while before he realized who his daddy was and what he did. I love how innocent he was.

"Hey, buddy," I said getting his attention, "want to go to the zoo today?"

"What about school?" he asked.

"Were taking a mommy and me day, I miss them."

When he first started school and I started working once a month I would take a day off to play with him. I stopped doing that when I got pregnant and worked only four days a week.

"That sounds fun, mommy."

I dressed quickly and got the kids dressed. I held my breath and crossed my fingers that I wouldn't run into anyone while we were out.

The zoo was fun, I missed going to the one in LA. Jayson had the look of pure joy on his face as we walked around. Just as we were about to leave I heard someone call out my name. Turning I found Jessica and Mike standing there with two little blond kids.

"Jessica," I said as she hugged me.

"Wow, Isabella Swan is a mom."

"I am, married too." I could tell she was looking at the stroller, and it was telling her that I either knoew someone with money or I had it.

"What have you been up to?" She asked.

"I just finished my residency and I work at Seattle Grays."

"Wow, really?" Mike asked.

"Yeah, Carlisle just accepted a position there." I said.

"Cullen?" Jessica said, I nodded.

"So did you end up marrying Edward?"

I wanted to laugh, if I had married Edward, Jayson and Kyaha would be fair skinned kids.

"No, I married an old childhood friend."

"Really?"

What was with them and the inquires.

"I would tell you, but I have to keep my personal life out of things like the tabloids and sleazy mag's."

Jessica would be one to sell the story, sure it would end Jakes reign as hottest bachelor, but it would throw our kids into the spot light, and I hated the thought.

My phone rang, the ringtone made Jayson sing 'daddy calls, daddy calls.'

I gave Jessica a weak smile and pushed the stroller away as I pushed talk on my IPhone.

"Hey, baby." I said as I got out the keys to the SUV.

"Hey, I called the hospital and some Andrea girl went into hysterics and then told me you weren't working."

"I'm not we just finished the zoo, I miss my babies. I'm missing out on so much of Kyaha life."

"So, quit. You don't need to work Bells. I know that you would be so much happier staying at home. The hospital said that they could take you on as an on call doctor."

I knew then what I needed to do.

"I'm going to do it." I said.

"What?" he asked sounding a little alarmed.

"Stay home. I'm a mom first, I love being a doctor, but I miss my babies."

"I not a baby, mom!" Jayson said.

Jake laughed hearing him say that.

I said goodbye and drove to the hospital.

I left Kyaha and Jake wit Maria and went to find the chief. I had on skinny jet black jeans a yellow tank under a leather jacket and my favorite heels Jake got me from the UK.

I rounded a corner and ran into Edward, Carlisle and the chief.

"Bella?" he said.

"I faked sick, I have kids." I admitted.

"Were all guilty of that at some point, how's the baby?" he asked.

"She's doing well, I need to talk to you about the offer you made last month."

"About becoming an on call doctor?"

"Yeah, I love it here, don't get me wrong. I just hate that I am missing out on so much of Kyaha's life. Jayson started first grade and Jake is travelling, a nanny… the thought gives me the hebbies."

"I can put the paperwork through, that part is easy, I just want you to make the best decision for you, as a good doctor, and as a mother."

"I am, I talked to Jake. He knows it's what I need."

He nodded and held out his hand to shake mine.

"Well, doctor Swan it was nice having you at the hospital full time." He said pulling me in for a hug.

The monitor beeped, the beep was low but it was coming in fast. I had no idea what that meant.

So I just ran.

Maria was holding a wailing Kyaha and trying to comfort a sobbing Jayson.

"What the…"

"He started to cry, something about you leaving. Well, then the baby did." She said franticly.

"Jay's, baby." I said pulling him into my arms, "I'm not leaving you."

I was unaware of my audience, not only was the chief there, but Carlisle, Edward, Esme Alice, and Rose.

I pulled my phone out, as a mom hearing that Jayson thought I was leaving him broke my heart.

"Jake," I said.

The tears turned into sobs and he said he was on his way.

Kyaha had calmed down, now I looked like a mess holding Jayson who was sobbing, and crying myself.

Jake walked in and released Maria thanking her for holding Kyaha. He put her back in her car seat that was in the stroller and pulled me into his arms.

"Bella, baby. I love you but what the hell is wrong?"

"Can we go back?" I asked as I held onto him.

"Back?"

"To L.A." I said.


End file.
